I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
