I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
