HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
