First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
