You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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