hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
