just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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