i was born a porn star she said
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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