i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
