Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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