So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
