Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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