A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
