he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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