There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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