Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
PANTIES FOUND
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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