My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
