So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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