I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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