My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
