and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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