Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I should be sponsored by Trojan
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
