It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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