Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
