Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
