I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I AM VODKA MAN
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
