remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
