You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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