Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
