i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
