Are we in a gay sports bar?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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