Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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