I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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