oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
This is classic penis vs brain.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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