I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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