my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Randomize
