No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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