I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
