I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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