Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
