So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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