what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
