Already got asked if we're dating
Who wears a wallet chain?!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
