Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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