i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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