Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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