Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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