I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
This can only be settled by a dance off.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
