i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
