Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
