You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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