Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
