I puked a lego.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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